Tag: Change

Challenges of Families Isolating Together

Posted on by Jill

In a way, being quarantined or social distancing with your family is like a strange social experiment. Under pressure, cracks that have existed might intensify. Often couples or families use tactics like keeping busy as a way of managing problems or conflict. Without the ability to be apart, strain and tension can begin to take a toll.

If things are starting to wind up, feel uncomfortable or getting intense, there are simple strategies we can use to create a safe space, enhance relationships, improve communication and learn to get along.

Let me help you and your family develop healthy, respectful and effective skills for living together.

I am available for telephone and online appointments through a secure and easy platform which can be booked at Living Wellness Centre or by calling 1-604-535-3335, you may also contact me directly at info@jillarnoldrcc.com

What are your rules for living true?

Posted on by Jill

Our belief systems are wide open when we are born. We develop beliefs about the world we live in during the early years in our family, then in school and our community. Our young mind is a sponge soaking up everything we notice, experience and imagine. Along the way through life our rules of living become more solidified and we believe them.

Some of the rules we have woven into our book of living create stress, tension, pressure and discomfort. A large part of our population suffers with depression, relationship frustrations, unhappiness and stress related coping behaviours that have their root in believing these often rigid rules.

What “Rules” have you been following that cause you pain? 

Lester grew up in a family that lived through the depression. Food was scarce and his parents were happy for any work that would put bread on the table. Mom and Dad wanted the best for him and his sister, sacrificing long hours of work so the kids could get a good education and then find a professional position. Lester grew up believing that success came in the form of a suit and an office job, the only problem was that he found working in an office very routine and boring. To counter his boring day Lester started to create excitement at night, gambling without telling his wife what he was doing.

Eventually his extra curricular activities caught up to him and through therapy he was able to go through the process of examining and disintegrating the beliefs that were not valid for him. Lester learned that what he had been led to believe about career success did not work for him, and that was ok. He was able to develop beliefs that felt more true and resonated with him. Lester followed his new rules and used his education to take a position as a sales representative which aligned with his desire for unpredictable experiences and pressure. He was much happier and felt more like the him he had always wanted to be.

Consider the rules you are living by, do they add or relieve pressure, safety or comfort? What alternative rules could there be? Looking at our own internal belief system from a more objective point of view is something I coach my clients through.

How do you start and end your day and how does that decision effect your mood?

Posted on by Jill

Our gadgets have become like second nature. Notice, do you automatically reach for your phone or tablet when you wake up and right before you go to sleep? 

There is no question that technology can make our lives easier; however, our brain and nervous systems are “old-equipment”. What that means is that they are easily triggered—our mind and body, which are connected, cannot distinguish between real and imaginary events and they respond the same way. What we focus on can influence our physical and emotional state in both positive and negative ways. When our mind decides an experience or information (real or imaginary) is dangerous, it sets off the fight or flight response.

Reading articles or social media postings that can wind you up are jarring, disappointing, upsetting, and complex can create a chain reaction of stress in our body. Our mood, outlook for the day, and our sleep can also be effected.

How do you use social media? Are you comparing yourself to others? Is your brain exposed to disturbing pictures or content? Notice how that effects your sleep or your mood? 

Rather than automatically reaching for a gadget, consider creating rituals in the morning and before bed. Rituals can allow you to set an intention and pave the way for thinking or feeling states to begin or end your day. It could be as simple as picturing your favourite place to be or a person to be with. It could be taking several cleansing breaths or as complex as a series of stretches, yoga poses, verbal statements, or even singing a favourite song. All of these options and anything else that resonates with you can become foundations of your wellness plan. These are many of the Embodied practices I teach my clients to calm their internal environment.

Next time your hand automatically reaches for a gadget, play with a different choice and notice the results.

Am I Really Negative or is it Just My Thinking?

Posted on by Jill

Dr Kenneth Cooper, an American medical doctor and former airforce colonel revolutionized our understanding of heart disease prevention. In his book Aerobics (1968) he outlined how people who are sedentary or have diseased hearts, have a limited amount a vascularization ( blood flowing in and out) of our hearts. When those limited pathways are blocked our hearts cannot receive necessary blood flow and oxygen which often results in heart attacks and death.

Dr Cooper discovered that short sessions (20 minutes) of aerobic activity a few times a week actually increased the number of pathways blood could take in and out of our hearts so if one pathway was blocked there were still options availability. This discovery spawned the craze of aerobic dance, Jazzercize, Richard Simmons, leg warmers, headbands and millions of people who did not die because they now felt empowered to be healthier.

I taught aerobic dance in the 80’s and not only was it a blast it also felt awesome to be encouraging all sorts of people who had never exercised to take fate into their hands and be healthy.

In a similar way our own personal thought process can default to a well trodden path of negativity. It can be such a familiar pathway that we often actually just believe that is the way things are. Have you ever been presented with an opportunity and instantly a thought pops into your mind…..I’m not capable of that….I’m not smart enough..not enough people will like me…that is not for people like me…and on and on.
The beliefs we think about ourselves can be like that blocked artery in our heart. With no new thinking we slowly are starved of self love, confidence, joy, appreciation and hold ourselves back from doing the things we so badly want to do.

The great news is that just like a 20 minute dance break can strengthen your heart, taking time to observe our thinking and grow new pathways in our brain can unblock our lives.

Challenging and exploring new outside the box thinking literally helps the Neurons in our brains brave uncharted trails forging multiple new pathways to default to.

The most exciting and rewarding work I do is to Coach clients in discovering alternative options for their thinking. It is such a rewarding experience watching in the beginning a bit of a puzzled look which morphs into a glowing smile and a total change of body posture as they relax into their new mindset of possibilities.

Living Now!

Posted on by Jill

The New Year is always a time for people to reflect on the past year and make resolutions for the year to come. Often the goals we set involve changing behaviours and habits we have lived with for a long time. It takes time to replace old habits with new ones and in the moment we often feel energized to jump into to “our new way” and then many people become discouraged when habits are not immediately different.

I encourage everyone to focus on the present right now and begin to embrace changing one small thing at a time,enjoying the process of now rather looking towards the future.

Today find one small thing you are comfortable with and wanting to do differently, whether it’s moving your body just for today! Putting healthy nutritious food into your body just for today! Notice how empowering it feels to allow yourself to make that change. Notice how good it feels to be able to do that for yourself. Your confidence and self esteem increases with every little moment of change you choose to allow yourself to make and tomorrow is another day to do the same!

Now smile and enjoy it!

Removing Negative Emotion

Posted on by Jill

Negative emotions and patterns of self destructive behaviours blocked me from living my life. Jill worked patiently to bring my awareness to certain issues behind the patterns and from there we worked at allowing the patterns to dissolve. It is also important to note that Jill provided me with the “skills” I needed to go forward in my life; skills that I can and do use when faced with situations that would have overwhelmed me in the past. I do not underachieve anymore. For the first time ever I have emotional freedom to make decisions that will take me where I want to go in life and in these past months I have come a long way.”

L.A. – Fraser Valley, B.C.

Hypnosis

Posted on by Jill

Hypnotherapy : Does it Really Work?

Pretend for a moment, that your mind is like your lawn out in front of your home. Even some of the best cared for yards, if you look close enough, are going to have a couple of weeds! Weeds are interesting because they are so persistent. You see, most of the yard is made up of good green grass, shrubs, and flowers (the good things about yourself).

The grass has good roots, but the weed’s roots go much deeper. That is why if you try to remove a weed by cutting it off, or pulling it up, and you don’t get all of its root, it is most likely to just come back, and sometimes there are more weeds (symptoms or problems) than when you started.

Taking this example a little further, you could look at the weed and divide it up into three distinct areas: first there is the area where the roots are, the soil, that is equivalent to the subconscious mind; the second area, where the grass is, is equivalent to the conscious mind, the part that is easy to see; and finally, there is the part that sticks up into the air for yourself and everyone else to see, the weed, the part of ourselves that we don’t like.

The part we don’t like might be a bad habit like biting your finger nails, or something more serious like smoking, a phobia, or even some diseases like ulcers.

Some treatments just deal with the behavior or the outward symptom, and that would be like mowing off the weed, it is likely that it will return. In the short term you might feel better, like going on a diet, losing the weight, and then the weight returns, because the real cause of the excess weight was never eliminated! Then you feel frustrated, and may even gain more weight (more weeds!).

Hypnotherapy done properly will remove the problem at the root, by helping the client to see or experience the situation, thought or idea, that started the problem differently. If the root is removed, then the problem ceases to exist!

Hypnosis can help you with the following and more:

  • Stop Smoking
  • Weight Loss
  • Anxiety
  • Remove Fears
  • Drug Abuse
  • Motivation
  • Public Speaking
  • Anger Issues
  • Concentration
  • Test Anxiety
  • Improve Sports
  • Sexual Issues
  • Stress
  • Remove Habits
  • Shyness
  • Relationships
  • Alcohol Abuse
  • Childbirth
  • Stage Fright
  • Pain Management
  • Procrastination
  • Self-Esteem
  • Self-Confidence
  • Improve Mood

Hypnotherapy

Posted on by Jill

Hypnotherapy for Rapid Therapeutic Change

Eliminate Addiction, Irrational Fears, Improve Mood, Increase Motivation, Increase Athletic Performance, Reduce the Affects of Abuse and More. Rapidly Begin To Feel Better and Become More Successful in Life. Hypnosis used as a therapeutic modality often greatly increases the rate of healing through insight, by quickly removing psychological or emotional barriers to your success.

Hypnosis allows access to your subconscious (where long term memory, habits and emotions exist) where the material that needs to be uncovered may lie. Using hypnosis, insight and healing may be accomplished often rapidly because in hypnosis your mind is much more calm creating a mental environment where the vital memories and insights become more available for therapeutic work. Hypnosis helps you to break through the barrier of conscious to the subconscious.

I work with you in helping you make the kinds of changes you want, in a confidential and respectful way

Hypnotherapy is a form of brief therapy. Results are usually experienced from the first or second session. Therapy is usually completed after only three to four sessions, but may run as many as five or six for complex problems, though this is unusual.

Panic Attacks

Posted on by Jill

Are Panic Attacks Making Life Difficult?

Approximately 1in 23 people or 4.23% of our population lives with excessive anxiety. Even more people today suffer from panic attacks.

A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense anxiety. This may feel like a rapid heart rate, an inability to breathe, feelings of intense nausea, an out of body experience or the feeling that everything is closing in on you. Many people experiencing a panic attack for the first time believe that they are having a heart attack and often go to the emergency room. This is usually where they first hear the words panic attack.

After the first attack subsides you may find yourself worrying that it will happen again. You may begin to avoid certain situations “in case” it happens again. Initially you may avoid the situation in which it happened. Later on you may notice the things you avoid are more general.

Common situations in which people first experience panic attacks are driving, in elevators, going over bridges, flying and sometimes at home.

Adults my distract themselves from these uncomfortable feelings with alcohol, drugs, food, work and exercise in order to avoid the familiar uncomfortable feelings of anxiety and panic.

As uncomfortable as these feelings are, anxiety and panic are generally very treatable!

When excessive anxiety or panic has developed, the root cause is often found in an event or events that were intense enough to leave a lasting impression. The treatment through a combination of methods is designed to eliminate the strong emotion connected to the event(s).

Through this process the power of these emotions is nullified. Often excessive anxiety and panic can be resolved in 4-6 sessions.

Pet Loss

Posted on by Jill

Pets are a huge part of many people’s lives. More than “an animal” a pet is your companion, confidant, friend and often protector. Your pet is there to cheer you up, listen to you, make you laugh and give you love. More than anything, your pet gives you this love unconditionally. No matter what kind of day you are having your pet is happy to see you, even if you have only been gone for a few moments. Many of us love our pet so much that we attribute human characteristics to them. Pets seem endlessly patient, eager to spend time with you creating a strong connection.

For seniors and singles a pet (especially a dog) creates a connection to the outside world. Urging you out of your house for walks, where you often meet, connect and socialize with other dogs and dog owners.

The healing aspects of pets have been well documented. Dogs and cats are used for therapeutic purposes in long-term care and hospital settings. Patients calm down and relax while stroking a pet. What they give you is immeasurable and when you lose them it is often an agonizing experience.

The grief experience is often palpable and unavoidable. Your routine is now upset- no more feedings, walks or cuddling. Coming home to a house empty of pets can be a physically and emotionally painful experience. This process has no timeline and although it is experienced uniquely by everyone there are some commonalities.

Initially you may feel overwhelmed by your pet’s death and have a hard time processing and accepting it. This is often followed by intense feelings of unfairness towards the situation. These feelings of unfairness can linger for a very long time and may come and go in waves.

Eventually you may find yourself falling into a depression as you realize the gravity of the situation, you will never see your pet again. The emptiness of the house and the change of your routine highlight the pain.

Although the length and intensity of this process is unique for everyone there are ways to help you work through it.

First and foremost is to acknowledge the importance this special pet had in your life. Allow yourself to feel, experience and express whatever emotions come up. You are mourning a family member, allow that process to happen, accept and embrace it. Others around you may not understand your deep connection to your special friend and your consequent sadness. During this time take good care to spend time with those who understand and appreciate your loss.

You may choose to honour your pet’s memory with a symbol. Veterinary clinics may offer your pet’s ashes, a ceramic foot print or another memento. Choose to hold onto whatever you feel is important.

Pet memorial services are a nice way to allow others who loved your pet to say goodbye to him/her and comfort you.

When, how and if you add another pet to your family is up to you. Adding another pet does not mean replacing the memory of the pet that you have lost, but it can help you to move along when you are ready. Do it when you believe that you are able to emotionally focus on the pet you are adding as a new and distinct member of your family. This new pet, especially if adopted from a shelter, will love and comfort you as you continue your journey of healing.

If intense feelings of grief persist for an extended period of time seek out help from a therapist who can help you relieve this emotional pressure and get things back on track.